Are You Lonely? That's Okay.

It’s 11 a.m. on Saturday morning and you don’t have anything to do.

You’ve read three novels this week, watched all your favorite TV shows, and exhausted your go-to websites. You’ve already exercised. Your room is spotless.

What you want is someone to hang out with, but there’s no one. Your alone time has crossed over into loneliness.

Even going onto Facebook doesn’t help you to connect with people. It’s like poking a bruise. It’s full of photos of people at parties with their friends, eating with their friends, and traveling with their friends.

Perhaps it’s because you’ve just moved, or changed schools, or jobs. Maybe you had a falling out with your friends, or lost your social circle after a breakup. Or maybe your friends are the ones who left, while you stayed behind.

There’s one thing you need to understand: this is all right. Loneliness is horrible, but it’s also a byproduct of change, and change is essential to life. Every time you move to a new place, a new stage in your education, or a new job, you will experience it.

So accept loneliness—yet don’t accept constant loneliness. That you can change.

Take the First Step

Nobody wants to be vulnerable or look foolish. When we go to the lunch room and see that everyone is in groups, we wait for someone else to be alone. Or we position ourselves near one of those groups, waiting for a convenient pause in which to say hello. Yet every gap is too short for us to work up the courage. We keep waiting until the opportunity is gone.

You need to stop doing this. You need to say hello, even if you interrupt a group conversation to do so. It’s scary, but what’s worse: a few minutes of nervousness, or eating lunch wishing you had people to speak to?

The hardest thing about this is that once is not enough. You need to repeat this process. I promise you, though, that it will get easier. Keep speaking to people until people say hi to you first. Become the social person in your network; become the person everyone recognizes.

Search for Friends

Even so, talking to people is different from having friends you click with, and maybe you won’t be surrounded by people you want to hang out with. If so, you have to find friends elsewhere.

Pick up new hobbies that seem exciting. Use social media to find local groups or classes (just remember to stay safe). And if you can’t find any? Start your own groups.

Turn People You Know Into Friends

Once you’ve found people who you get along with, turn them into people you hang out with. Take the initiative. Invite them to hang out or to go to the cinema.

Even if they’re people you wouldn’t normally see outside of school or work, try it—friends can come from anywhere.

And If You’re Still Lonely?

Sometimes, we can do all of this and still find it hard. Maybe you’re in a foreign country and barely speak the language. Maybe you miss all the fun because you work on weekends. Or maybe you’re just in a place where there aren’t many people you get on with.

Don’t give up.

Find things you want to do. Take up sketching. Learn to cook dishes that would make your Nan proud. Go to every museum in the nearest 50 miles. Choose who you want to be, and then keep yourself so busy that you don’t have time to be lonely.

Friends will come—remember, life is always changing—but until then, make sure it’s a life you enjoy.