A new year. A new start. And for millions of us, new goals.

This year, I asked my friends their resolutions. Megumi told me, “I want to be less immature.” Sara added, “I want to be less self-absorbed.”

I was stunned. How could my wonderful, sincere, compassionate friends define themselves in one negative word? Then I realized I’ve made goals just like that before. Years ago, I set targets to be less socially awkward, less nerdy, less annoying. I achieved zero of them. How could I succeed when even just thinking of them filled me with self-hatred?

A goal is never about being less; it is always about achieving more.

Set a Goal Worth Keeping

Ask yourself two questions: Firstly, what’s really your goal? What you think is your goal might just be the method. We need to work out the real aim. Let’s say your goal is one of the most common negative ones: I want to lose weight.

Okay, now why? Maybe your answer is, “I want to be healthy,” or “I want to fit into my pre-university dresses.” Again, why? Perhaps you’ll say, “I want to be happy” or “I want to be more confident.” Fantastic. That’s your real goal.

Secondly, what do you need to do? We need a plan of action. If you want to lose weight, “exercise” is a good plan – but not good enough. Get specific. How many times a week will you exercise? It’s your goal; decide what suits you. As an example, let’s use three times a week.

What about food? “Eat healthier” is too vague. What about no chocolate? Okay, but if we focus on the negative, we’re going to be unhappy; if we’re unhappy, we’re not motivated; and if we’re not motivated, we will give up. Rewrite it as a positive action. Give yourself something you can be proud of.

Instead, let’s say, every time I want to eat chocolate, I will eat a piece of fruit instead. So the goal is: “I will make myself happier by exercising three times a week and eating fruit when I crave chocolate.” This is a goal we can keep. It is an action, it is specific, and it is something we will feel positive about.

Keep That Goal

We’ve got the right goal. Now, we’ve got to do it.

When are you going to keep it? Be honest. Are you really going to do your report on Saturday morning, or are you going to get up late and need vast quantities of tea before even thinking about starting? Is Tuesday evening a better time? Yes? Great. When? Specificity is your defense against procrastination demons. 6-7:30? Fantastic.

Next: where will you keep your goal? Choose a place: A coffee shop, a library, a gym. An exercise or study space in your room. Wherever works for you. Just remember, this space is for that purpose alone. Don’t you dare do anything else there.

Stay Motivated

Despite all this, keeping your goal every day, every week, every month, can be tough. Exhausting. Demotivating. It may even feel impossible. So, accept you’re only human. Schedule rewards and breaks. If your goal is saving money, but it’s raining, staying dry is probably more attractive than saving the cost of a bus ticket. Yet, it’s much easier to put up your umbrella and plod home if you know your monthly mini splurge is only eight days away.

Be Proud

Acknowledge your achievements. Download apps like Goal Tracker, and check off your progress. Look at the 100% achieved status, and let that motivate you. Print off monthly progress markers, like your savings balance, class grades, or records of how long it takes you to run five miles. Don’t focus on what you’ve yet to do. Instead, remember what you’ve already done.

Forgive Yourself

And if you have a bad day? If you lost the motivation, if it just seems too hard, if you’re just craving that forbidden thing too much to say no? It’s okay to slip up. It’s one day out of 365.

Even if it’s two days, or five days, or two weeks—that’s still under 4% of the year. You haven’t failed. You’ve just paused. Take a deep breath, forgive yourself, and start again. You are going to succeed!

Get Smart, Get Inspired

Whether you are 14, 19, 23 or a parent/mentor Join our mailing list (we only email 1x a week with something inspiring!) here!

What will they find when they Google you?

Would you like to create a positive online presence? Consider writing for us! Apply here!