One thing that I really enjoy doing is being able to introduce “new friends” to “old friends.” It can be very exciting; to introduce people who you care about to each other and watch them hit it off. It is a great feeling to bring the people that you care about together, even if it’s just so they can bond by telling jokes about you!

More than that though, I think how we act when we are describing the people we care about can be a great reminder for how to treat ourselves. Here are some tips I’m starting to put into practice that may help you too:

There’s a Story of What Makes You Who You Are…. Tell the Best Part First!

Think back to the last time you described your best friend to someone. I bet you didn’t start out by telling the person what your friend thinks is her biggest “flaw” or all of the things that your friend doesn’t do perfectly. Being the friend that you are, you probably described all of the things you value most about her: how well she treats you, her talents, what she is passionate about, etc.  Anything that wasn’t “perfect” about her would turn out to be just what it was….a part of her that fits into the entire picture of who she is, not the one thing that defines her.

Let the Truth of Who You Are Shine Through!

If you are  anything like me, it can sometimes be hard to describe or introduce  yourself the same way. I have a mild disability that affects my mobility. I’ve made peace with how it’s part of what makes me who I am. However when meeting people for the first time it can be hard for me to remember the understanding that I’ve come to : that my disability is not a flaw but, a part of me that brings all kinds of good and bad experiences into my life,  just like any other part of my identity. 

It can be hard to let the truth shine through things like nervousness or insecurity but, one thing that I’m trying to remember is that the truth of who I am is stronger than any passing nervousness…and the same is true for you!

Be Kind to Yourself… Other People Will Follow Your Example

Based on my own insecurities or other people’s reactions, I sometimes feel afraid that my disability will become the main part of my identity that people will focus on. Sometimes,  I inadvertently become nervous enough about explaining or defending my  disability that the conversation becomes more about what I can’t do, and why, then all of the things that I actually do well.

While my reasons for feeling and acting  this way might be related to my disability, I think other people may have the same fears in other ways. We all have things about ourselves that we are nervous to share with other people, or are nervous  for other people  to  perceive about us.

Sometimes,  we can be tempted to explain away or defend these things  when we first meet new people. We can, in a way, judge ourselves so that other people don’t have the opportunity to negatively judge us. But, the problem with doing this ( and I’ve done it enough myself to know ) is that it presents us in a way where what we are explaining or  defending becomes more important than the things that we love about ourselves. Unfortunately, other people sometimes can start to react to us as though that is true.

Take a challenge!

Meghan Garry, Get Smart Author

Something I’m going to try , and invite you to try as well, is to introduce myself to other people  the same way I would introduce my best friend to them. This doesn’t mean I’ll go around saying how fantastic I am or that I won’t ever talk about my disability.

But, I will try to focus on all the things that that I am most proud of or happy about, the same way I would if I was introducing a friend. This way others can focus on them as well.  Sometimes, when we are a friend to ourselves first, we can form better friendships with others.  ( And then introduce those friends to each other!)