You did not misread this. The worst thing you can do when your heart has been broken is to pretend otherwise. Think of your heart like a delicate piece of beautifully blown glass. Who goes around pretending something that has been smashed is totally in tact? Healthy denial can help right in the beginning, but then the work begins.

The initial shock protection

In my experience, within a week or two of a serious heartbreak, a veil of protection comes to your aid. You know its that moment when you are like “Yeah, there are totally other fish in the sea and this is a GOOD thing. My life is going to be great. I still “got” it.” I call this the “initial bounce back.” Your spirit needs this to be reminded that you are not going to die, you are just going to hurt a little. If you were actually feeling all of what was happening in full effect, it might be hard to just find the motivation to button your jeans.

And then the slight crack…

When your heart is ready, the protection will start to crack, letting some of the emotions back in. You’ll know because you might get a sinking feeling. You might hear a song that reminds you of your heartbreak in Panera just as you are about to order your “You Pick 2” and run off the line, and then out of the entire place (Yes, thats me…I did that…). You’ll have that moment when you can’t catch your breath, or you wake up one morning thinking maybe it was all a dream. Your true self is super smart. It knows now you’ve gotten that initial few weeks over with, and not its time to face the music.

And speaking of music…

One of the best things a coach every told me to do post break up was MOURN. Something happened. It was sad. It was not the end of the free world as we know it, but it basically sucked. My coach suggested I put together a playlist of all the songs that reminded me of memories pre-heartbreak.  This was near impossible because music is a huge part of my life, and it was a big part of my last relationship. I think I went to a dozen concerts in just about a year with my heartbreaker. There wasn’t a genre or song on my iTunes that didn’t remind me of him. She told me to listen to it and..CRY!

I did do it though – and I cried. I don’t mean like the cry-at-the-end-of-a-chic-flick cry. I mean like the crying that comes from deep in your stomach, the kind that after you are done feels like you’ve cried out a small body of water. This was so hard. All I did was see happy times in my mind. My heartbreak was a bit of a total shock, so I didn’t really have any bad memories. There were a lot of good ones, and these songs reminded me of them. I don’t recommend doing this a lot – just a few times to get it out. (i.e. don’t start wearing only black and resorting to the fetal position!)

And then for the miracle…

I hadn’t been able to listen to most of those songs in months. A few weeks ago, I mistakenly put on the playlist and the most incredible thing happened…I was OK. I was singing along and not feeling sad. This was especially important because I was driving and crying at this point could have endangered the lives of the other innocent travelers on NJ’s Route 17. (I am sure some of them probably stared as I did my impromptu American Idol audition – but WHO CARES?!)

I sang along and felt happy…and then guess what? I cried! But this time it wasn’t because I was sad. I was relieved. Healing is a totally amazing process that prepares you for a better, truer, more authentic love than you could possible imagine. So go ahead – CRY. Cry because it hurts. Cry because its a totally normal thing to do. Cry; but do not be consumed with sadness. Let it pass over you like a gentle wave, flowing back out to sea, creating the new you the world has been waiting for.

Love and a Tissue,

Steph