I’ve spent the last few months thinking about adulthood and growing up. Not about growing older because, let’s face it, time is something we can’t freeze or put a “pause” and “resume” button on. The actual act of growing up, being an adult and making mature decisions — how do you know you’re ready to do that? Or that you’re even capable?

In some old traditions, a boy becomes a man after he’s sent into the wilderness and returns back a wise grown man. By sending the boy alone and unaccompanied, he will learn the art of getting by on his own and return a full-fledged man, rich in wisdom and experience in life. But today, it’s different.

Growing Up Today

I became an adult when I turned 18. At least that’s what our legal system says, though my mom would beg to differ. I got my driver’s license and attended college, then a couple of years later moved away from home. Now I’m living with roommates and trying to save money. I still do many of the exact same things that I did for each of the 365 days during which I was 17. It makes me wonder: Does simply turning 18 mean you’ve become a grownup?

Always Learning

Our inability to make a distinction between being a teenager and an adult out of college, who is still not in full control of their life, is what sets unreachable standards for young adults. We require an authoritative figure to make decisions and have a plan: parents, teachers, bosses, anyone who isn’t you. In the end, we grow older, but still remain children in need of some kind of guidance. You’re easily attracted to the bad rather than the good.

But eventually, it all becomes a blur and you find yourself becoming more and more unrecognizable. Someone who is more mature? Maybe. Someone who you probably never thought you would be? Perhaps. It will happen gradually. The bad things will sting and the good things will feel right. We think that one day we’ll wake up and suddenly have our whole lives figured out and know the person we’re meant to be. This is rarely the case.

It’s almost been a year since I’ve moved away from home, and in this short span of time I have changed so much. I remember thinking to myself, Oh I’m going to have so much fun living alone, no care in the world, nobody to question me. But, when I was finally away from home, things thankfully took a different turn. I got more serious about life, studies, career, and all those grown up things. Every decision I made was influenced by how it would affect other aspects of my life. For example, my not-so-mature self used to see a sale in a store and go crazy shopping. But not anymore. Before, I was more self-critical, which would reflect in my thoughts about others. Now that’s not the case. My ultimate goal is to be at peace with myself, eliminate toxic feelings, live a life I love, and let that love radiate.

No One has it All Figured Out

Growing up doesn’t only mean reaching a legal age or doing quintessential adult things like getting married or having kids. It is not ticking off boxes on a checklist before you can finally call yourself a grown up or an adult. Growing up is understanding that you are responsible for your decisions, realizing you don’t have to have an authority figure to guide you. It’s being confident when approaching any situation or problem, not because you have a solution to it, but because you know you will fumble your way into one. It is the understanding that there is no one who has it all figured out. We’re all making our best guesses and doing what we think is right based on the limited experienced we have.

So, ask yourself who you want to become and how you want to grow up. These are important questions that will make growing up much less confusing and miserable. Who knows, you may actually begin to enjoy it!

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