My parents deny the existence of the patriarchy. When I first mentioned the word to my dad, he immediately became offended, thinking that I was directly criticizing him and all other men by using the term. I tried to explain to him that the patriarchy is a system in which we live; we are all members of the patriarchy, and many of us are complacent in it. But my father cites it as an archaic idea, something that might persist in developing countries but not in the United States.

In my experience, my dad’s image of supposed gender equality is a dream of the distant future. Growing older and entering college has exposed me to the sexism present in my everyday life, and I recognize that, as a white, heterosexual citizen of the United States, I have vastly more privilege than most women in our world. Still, I’m confronted with sexism every single day.

I have found that the best way to explain the patriarchy to my parents (and others that don’t understand my perspective) is through examples. So far, sharing these experiences has helped them to understand why feminism is still relevant today. Though these instances may only be subtly part of our lives, they are still important and perpetuate larger systems of oppression. There are countless examples of everyday sexism, many of which I don’t even experience, but here are a few of my own frustrations.

1. Women feel like they need to apologize for everything. Our meaningless, unnecessary apologies reveal we were taught submission when we were little girls. We say sorry for speaking, for moving too quickly, for being too loud, for not agreeing. We should not be sorry for our strength and our voices. We are teaching our daughters to apologize for their success.
2. Our heteronormative dating norms. Wait staff members usually hand the check to the man at the table. Guys have to send the first text. He drives. Dating proves that the patriarchy is hurtful to both men and women. There is a real pressure to fit into traditional gender stereotypes, and we put that pressure on each other. When the waiter hands the man the check, he is assuming the male as t
   he breadwinner, the more powerful and successful one in the relationship. And the man experiences pressure to dutifully foot all the bills, begging the question: who is this system even for?
3. Shaving. My choice has been taken away. Society expects me to shave, to wax, to comb, to make up. Men are given a choice and given agency, but I am expected to uphold an image of femininity. But just because the patriarchy is intensely and prominently there doesn’t mean I need to abide by it. I haven’t shaved my legs in almost a year. Sometimes, when I think about taking out a razor, I ask myself who I’m shaving for. Is it for me? Or is it for the patriarchy?

As I’ve learned to identify instances of everyday sexism, I’ve also learned how to reject them. When a friend says something problematic, I let them know why their word choice might be hurtful. I only wear what makes me comfortable, which usually does not conform to traditional femininity. If I hear myself apologize unnecessarily, I take it back; these apologies are slowly becoming a less prominent part of my language. The everyday sexism that we experience is not our fault, but that doesn’t mean we have to put up with it. Take time to observe and understand everyday sexism, and once you do, you have the opportunity to change the habits and behaviors of those around you for the better.