EViningPicIt is believed that one in every four women will experience domestic violence. These are tragic statistics, but I hope and believe one day those numbers will change for the better. This month is Domestic Violence Awareness Month, so let’s take this time to delve into the issue. You or someone you know may experience abuse one day. Domestic abuse is never okay, never deserved, and should never be justified.

There are many ways you can be supportive to a loved one or friend who is experiencing abuse. You have the ability to be a supportive and loving friend and be a ray of strength for someone who is dealing with an incredibly difficult situation. Abusive relationships can take many shapes and abuse can be in many different forms such as physical, sexual, psychological, emotional, economical, and digital. It can happen in all types of relationships (heterosexual, homosexual etc.) and many teens experience forms of abuse in dating relationships. The website Break the Cycle offers an interactive graphic that helps highlight different forms of abusive actions.

All of this can seem really scary, because it is scary. But the important thing to always remember is that domestic violence is never okay and that there are resources and support networks to support survivors of violence. You, if you feel comfortable and able, can be a support. If you find yourself in the position of supporting a friend/family member who has or is experiencing abuse, there are some things to note:

  • Do Not Judge Her: She is doing the best she can. You may find yourself wanting to judge her for not leaving, not breaking up with him/her, or for dating someone so volatile in the first place. Do not judge her. She needs you to be supportive, kind, and loving. She does not need another person treating her unkindly, controlling her actions. or telling her what to do.

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*It is also important to note that statistically the most dangerous time for a women in an abusive relationship is during separation and the period that follows separation. Leaving/terminating the relationship is dangerous and takes a lot of courage and planning. You can support, offer services, and encourage her to leave but ensure that you are not placing additional pressure on her. She may decide not to leave or end the relationship and that is her choice. You should support her in whatever decision she chooses to make.

  • It’s Not Her Fault: Cycles of abuse are very scary; oftentimes survivors blame themselves or begin to believe that they deserve to be treated that way. Let her know that it is not her fault—not even a little bit. This is paramount.
  • Acknowledge & Support: Let her know that you understand the situation is very scary, complex, and difficult. You don’t know what she is going through, but you can let her know that you understand it is extremely scary and challenging. Listen to her. Believe her. It can be very difficult to discuss abuse so be patient and trust her truth.
  • Help with Preparations: If your friend is going to move out or end a relationship, they may need help preparing. Offer support if you can.
  • Take Care of Yourself: THIS IS SO IMPORTANT. If you are supporting a loved one who is experiencing abuse, it will likely take a toll on you. Be kind to yourself and make sure you are taking care of your own emotional needs. By supporting someone, you can also put yourself at risk so be cautious. Engage in self-care/self-love activities.

I hope you and your loved ones never experience abuse.  But in the case that you do, know there are so many support networks available both for survivors and supporters. You can be a brilliant and strong support to your loved ones—in a time they will need you most!