We at Get Smart are proud to introduce you to our first “Get Smart Guy!” We asked Tom to share about the stereotype of men being insensitive or needing to present a certain “strong” front. Tom shares his authentic compassionate leadership in the world by being a man of character in many ways!

The Stereotype

Misunderstanding and misrepresentation are two very important factors when it comes down to someone feeling sensitive, insensitive or indifferent about a specific idea. The main stereotype that is ingrained in our heads starting during childhood, through adolescence, and up to adulthood, is that the man is supposed to be this strong, brave and emotionless individual. When I say emotionless, I mean they don’t show weakness, sadness or worry during difficult situations or around others. They are not “bad” characteristics to have at times, but we are all human and expressing them is healthy both emotionally and mentally. As a society, it is time to teach children that it’s okay to be sensitive and compassionate to others because we would want the same thing if we were in that place. Love is much stronger than false teachings of character.

Compassion through Career

I currently work as a paraprofessional in a special needs school that has children with Autism Spectrum Disorder.  I work in a self-contained classroom setting. This means that certain students may have aggressive or self injurious behaviors and due to this, they are taught most of their school material in a single classroom setting. I work one to one with a 15 year old boy with autism spectrum disorder. In the beginning of the year it was difficult because he was new to the school and had been home schooled for the previous 3 years. At times, he showed very physically aggressive behaviors that worried me at first sight.

With time, I’ve learned to work with him, around him and form a bond that others see as unexplainable. His aggressive behavior has regressed tremendously! He attempts to interact with staff and students on a daily basis and at times shows signs of affection towards me when I am helping and supporting him during his day at school. To me, the most rewarding part of this job is seeing him smile and succeed with the work he is given. Knowing that I helped to make his life better truly is the most rewarding aspect of the job. What enables the compassion I have in this career is knowing that I can make a difference in someone’s life who needs a little extra help, time and patience but has the ability just like anyone else. My job has taught me that it is okay to help others even if they’re “different” or don’t have the same level of understanding. I don’t feel ashamed or different because I help others outside of job. I hope it influences others to do the same.

Compassion through Care for Humanity

Recently I had stopped in a bakery to pick something up for my parents. When I walked out, I went to my car and sat down getting ready to pull out and head back home until I noticed a middle aged homeless man, with a large bag of stale bread in which he used to feed a group of 5-10 pigeons in front of him. I looked at his face and it had one of the biggest smiles that I’ve seen in quite some time. I thought to myself “So many of us have so much and are unhappy while others have so little but happiness keeps them going”. I walked out of my car and kindly asked if he would like a drink and something to eat from the Dunkin’ Donuts he was outside of. He said he would so I bought him a hot coffee and bagel. He looked up at me and thanked me right away with that same continuous, golden smile he had while feeding the birds. This act of compassion made me feel good and it also made the homeless man feel like he wasn’t different from everyone else walking around him but just needed a little extra help. I believe everyone has the ability to show compassion to others in different forms but some just feel that they will be judged and viewed different or weak if they do. We have to give up on honestly caring what others think and just do what we feel is right and beneficial to others who need the extra helping hand.

The Lesson

John F Kennedy wrote, “Change is the law of life. And those who look only to the past or present are certain to miss the future.” If “we” as a society changed the way we treat others and didn’t place judgment on those who did, the view on male compassion would start to change and be widely accepted by society as a whole but more importantly men. The only reason this stereotype for male insensitivity exists is because of how we are brought up and it’s a teaching of societal norm. The way compassion is expressed between men and women has the ability to be the same because I believe we as humans know what feels right and wrong and when it does. The only problem is, society has molded  minds to feel restrictive when expressing those thoughts or emotions when it comes to compassion.  Lets open up and teach our children that it is okay to say how you feel, express your emotions, help others in time of need and do all out good to make the world a better place but also to teach others that helping another person in itself is more rewarding than anything else.

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