Yes, I watch the Bachelor.

Ok, ok, you can go ahead and laugh, but I do! I watch the bachelor because I am a lifelong PEOPLE WATCHER! People’s behavior just fascinates me– in groups, when it comes to love, even if its totally prompted by Chris Harrison and a band of producers.

I also don’t watch for pure entertainment. I watch to try to find the human element in what is happening. Some of the people you see are truly coming up against fears about love, intimacy, communication and more. While some of it is hype, some can be very raw and authentic.

Oh Clare

If you watch the show you know that Clare Crawley (the rejected runner up) was very forward physically and emotionally with JP. There were several questionable moments  between them where they both seemed to put a high emphasis on the physicality of the relationship. Yes, she did go swimming in the ocean with him at 4am and was constantly hanging on him during group dates (just the term “group dates” is so weirdopants!) but he also went along with it. Clare confronted him on this issue in the last moments of the show, but he quickly charmed her back into his graces, and she fell for it. Watching it made me so sad!

As this young woman poured her heart out on national TV the day after he said he saw his life with her and babies, she got sent home. And then she TOLD HIM WHERE TO GO, to which he uttered “I’m glad I didn’t pick her.” And this my friends was the moment of truth — the moment that character gets revealed, and it’s NOT OK. When someone is at their lowest, you kick them — in front of millions of viewers. This is the ultimate disrespect. But did Clare set the stage for how she was to be treated? This is food for thought not for reality TV but for all women to understand what it is they communicate with their actions, and who they allow to enter their hearts.

Ask the #GetSmartGuy

I don’t pose to know what men are always thinking, or how a man would observe this situation. So I’ve thrown it to our in-house Get Smart Guy, Sean Kehoe. Sean is a personal trainer and coach who also happens to be a dating expert!  He wrote a column called “What Men Really Think” for Jersey Girls Magazine and as a dating coach for Steve and JoAnne Ward of VH1’s Tough Love and their company. Just what does a GOOD man think about women?

That’s what Sean Said…

“Women are attractive on so many levels.  Personality, Intelligence, confidence, work ethic, sense of humor, fit in mind and body and yes a beautiful smile and pair of eyes are extremely attractive to a man.  It is what a woman decides to lead with that determines the game of ping pong that ensues.  In my experience, an attractive women generally knows she is and it’s what is within her. How she dresses and acts that will garner the attention she is looking for.  I am a firm believer in the power of the universe and what your project and think is what you will be given in return.  If you lead with your body, you will attract Mr. I’m Looking for FWB relationship. “

“A woman who is focusing on trying to get physical attention communicates and essentially screams low self-respect and self-esteem.  Real men are not interested in pursuing that.  What men find truly attractive is a woman of balance.  One who can be flirty but reserved, sassy and sarcastic but smart, sexy but classy.  Leading with that will get us to give you the right attention because now you have become a challenge.  We want that game of ping pong to keep going.  We will want to get to know you more for all the right reasons.   When you feel safe, comfortable and the level of respect is given back, you can give more to the other “fun” sides of your personality.  If you give it all away, right away, you will be the only one left holding the paddle because it’s game or better yet, show over.  Just ask Clare Crawley of the Bachelor. “

True Love — From a Man’s Perspective

“True love, one that is filled with honesty, respect, laughter, depth and passion rarely exists on a game show.  In all honesty, romance is dead once you sign your life away and belong to the property of a television network.  Is that what we are teaching our girls? If at first you don’t succeed in love, try, try your luck on TV? Where have all the self-respecting women gone when Juan Pablo is the best you can come up with? Easy on the eyes maybe, very hard on the communication skills definitely. He is about as deep as a puddle.  Beauty fades but here is where you can make yourself forever beautiful inside and out.  Movie icon Jacqueline Bisset was once quoted on May 16, 1974 as saying, “Character contributes to beauty. It fortifies a woman as her youth fades. A mode of conduct, a standard of courage, discipline, fortitude, and integrity can do a great deal to make a woman beautiful.” Truer words were never spoken and forty years it is extremely relevant! Be that woman of character, of substance and through the power of what you project and the respect you deserve, the universe will reward you by attracting true love.”